It is day five of NaNoWriMo and I’m already a little behind. Yes, already. Thursday and Friday went swimmingly, with me going over the word count goal on both days. I loved my idea and the words flowed easily. I was full of motivation and caffeine and loving it.
Then, the weekend happened with the family visits, shopping and bonfires. On Saturday, I managed to squeeze out just under one thousand words, but by the time I sat down to write it was 11pm and I was tired, so the writing didn’t come easily. Yesterday, my word count was a big fat zero.
I know I can catch up. Thanks to a great first couple of days, I am not that far behind, but having a day off has given me time to think. I know, dangerous. My usual doubts and crises of confidence have arisen. I can’t write a book. My idea isn’t that great. How did I ever think I was clever enough to plot the twists and turns of a thriller? My writing is sh**. It isn’t pretty inside my head, today. This is why I’m glad I’m doing NaNo. For my lack of confidence, I am also stubborn and I thrive from pushing myself to meet deadlines and targets. So, where usually this mindset would have me colour coordinating my sock drawer, I am pushing myself harder.
One thing I’ve noticed this time around, is how preoccupied I am with having something at the end of NaNo. Last time, I was just happy to prove I could write 50k words, and the end result wasn’t good. I had so many random, pointless and unusable scenes that the end result was a mess. I want to have the start of a workable novel this time, which means I am struggling to turn off my internal editor. I’m finding it tricky to stop myself going back and changing things around. Having the deadline of the 30th November is pushing me forward rather than spent three months fiddling with one sentence, which can only be a good thing.
It’s going to be an interesting month.